Drive my soul
by anothercasualty
Summary: After receiving a five am wake up call, Tommy must return to Toronto and face the girl he destroyed. Two-Shot: Jommy!
1. Chapter 1

This is a two-shot_ loosely_ based on Drive my soul by Lights.

Reviews are always appreciated and expected.

I own nothing.

* * *

He stared at the reflection in the elevator mirror, trying to remember what he had looked like the last time he was in this elevator.

He looked almost identical.

And just like then he was unshaven, hair sticking out in tuffs, clothes rumpled and creased, and with a small duffel bag full of clothing.

But this time it was due to the 5 am wakeup call to get his stuff together to catch the earliest flight out of L.A.

The elevator came to an abrupt stop and he looked at the red digital floor number before leaning back to let the elderly couple into the elevator.

The women took in his appearance and gave a soft smile which he barely returned.

He watched her turn back to her companion, intertwining her fingers into his, in which the gentlemen pulled up their hands and tenderly kissed her knuckles.

The elevator bell startled him from his thoughts.

He looked out into the hallway and recognized the painting hanging across the hall.

It was a hideous painting. It looked as if someone had taken a pitcher of paint the color of puke green and threw it at a canvas.

None the less, it was his favourite.

It reminded him of home.

Managing a small smile to couple, he left the elevator and followed the hallway to the right.

And there it was.

Apartment #1502.

The apartment that he hadn't stepped into for four years.

His empty hand reached up and ran along the dust covered crown moulding before hitting cool metal.

Pulling it down he wiped the dust off of it, realizing that it probably hadn't been touched since he walked out the door.

Moments passed as he contemplated about his decision to come back.

It wasn't too late. He could turn back now.

But no, he had to do this, for her.

The key fit. He was slightly surprised.

She had really hated him.

Taking in a deep breath he let himself in, immediately noticing the many dead flowers covering the coffee table, the foyer table, the couch.

The place was typical Jude. Unkempt.

He dropped his bag at his feet before removing his jacket and shoes, knowing that she wouldn't care but it was something he had always done. She may be careless and disorderly but he wasn't and they would never change.

He slowly crept past the kitchen, wincing at the wine bottles lined up on the windowsill, blocking the view he had once cherished every morning as he made them coffee.

He walked over to it and went up on his tippy toes.

Yep, the river was still there, the wharfs still covered in seagulls, the sun still coming down.

And there, on their bench, sat the elderly couple from the elevator enjoying the sun down while they fed the seagulls.

Life hadn't stopped but it sure felt like it.

He knew he was stalling, but there was a chance he may never see this view again and he wasn't going to let it go to waste.

He had been told that she hadn't left the penthouse in days, so he had no doubt she was still there.

If he knew Jude at all, she would be in bed, under the covers, in the same clothes since that day.

Turning back he made his way down the hall to their bedroom.

No, _**her**_ bedroom.

He placed his hand on the door knob, letting it cool his sweaty hand.

Taking in a deep breath, he let himself in.

Even in the dark, he knew it was exactly the same.

Clothes covering her side of the room, guitars lined up under the large draped window, and her, a small lump under a dozen blankets, on her side of the bed.

She had always liked it sweltering under the covers, while he simple preferred a sheet or even her to keep him warm.

The lump still hadn't moved, which put a slight fear in his heart.

She wouldn't have would she?

He strode over to the bed, half panicked, half nervous.

Four years. It was along time. Maybe he didn't know her anymore. When he finally left her life, he thought he was doing her a favour. It was easier to walk away. She had made his life unbearable and he was sure that it was twice as bad for her.

She hated him. Not that he blamed her.

Het pulled the blankets back on his side of the bed, which had still been tucked under his pillows.

And before thinking twice, he pulled them all the way back, revealing the skeleton of a girl he once knew and had always loved.

The tears dripped onto her blank face, the glaze covering her eyes scaring him even more.

Not holding back anymore, he fell onto the bed beside her, pulling her into him, holding her closer then he had in a long time.

But this time it was different then all other times.

At one point her skin used to burn under his touch, sending heat through each other, causing ripples of goose bumps across each others skin.

And when it got bad, when he would reach his arm out to simply pull her back to him to continue the discussion, she would tense and jerk her arm away not allowing him the privilege he once had.

And now, it was different once again, she made no attempt to pull away and fight him and the heat didn't radiate through her but instead, she laid in his arms not fighting and not getting any closer, limp like the makeup smeared pillow next to his head.

"Jude, girl? I'm so sorry." He whispered into her ear, inhaling her hair just like he use to, but this time she didn't smell like Dove, but of alcohol and sweat.

He pulled her head back looking into her eyes, hoping she understood that she wasn't hallucinating this.

She simple stared back, her eyes closed off from him.

And he did the only thing that he thought could bring her back to life, to him.

He brought his face to hers, his lips a breath away, and he looked at her waiting for her to stop him, but she made no move to.

Slowly, he got closer, testing the waters, seeing how deep she would let him go.

He felt her breath on his lips before gently placing his on hers.

The first kiss. Her sixteenth. White lines. Don't you dare. Her eighteenth. All I want is you. The chrome cat. His body on hers. Her hot breath on his. Slick thighs. Shaky Screams. Bruised hips. Tangled sheets. The restaurant bathroom. The new apartment door. The counter top. The piano. The shower. The couch. The bench. The viper. His office. The soundboard. The elevator. The floor. The bed.

This simple kiss managed to bring forth the memories he had put away.

But this kiss was different then those. There was no urgency, no need, no passion. Just two lips connected. Smooth against chapped. Touching, not pressing.

Pulling back he looked back into her eyes, hoping the glazed over grey would turn back to his favourite shade of blue.

He watched as her eyes slowly closed, and his heart stopped, before reopening them, and his heart jump started.

She blinked away the varnish covering her eyes, and he felt her body heat up like it use to.

He leaned back, pulling her on top of him and holding her close.

He felt her body shiver and shake and the wet splats of salt and water hit his neck.

He held her tighter as she sobbed for her lose and for her gain.

Sadie had called him that morning, informing him Stuart had passed away suddenly the week before and Jude was not willing to talk to anyone, let alone get out of bed.

It wasn't the first time she had called begging him to come back, back to Jude and he always answered that she was better off without him. But this time he heard the fear in her voice and the least he could do was talk to Jude but he had doubted she even wanted to look at him.

Seeing her like this he finalized realized that she had been falling apart way before the week previous.

Glancing down he noticed his old shirt and boxers that had disappeared during the move.

Relief flooded him, knowing he was still in her heart even after his mistakes.


	2. Chapter 2

So... Wow! 11 reviews for me! I'm... honored...really honored! Almost speechless! I just want to thank all of you for your kindness... so Thank you!

I've gone over this part 200+ times and I'm still not satisfied. At all. I think I should have left it as a one shot...

Anyway, if this is way worse than yall were expecting, let me know and I will rewrite it because I have had the urge to do so all week. I will not be offended. Swear to...Millie...my cat/god/soul driver... who is trying to help me type this up.

Reviews are appreciated and expected.

I own nothing except my soul driver.

* * *

He stood staring at the tub as the water filled up, yet his mind wasn't on the water level but on the girl still lying in bed, not having the strength to get up.

Dipping his hand into the water, he tested the temperature before turning the tap off.

He walked back into the bedroom and leaned over the bed.

"Come on, let's clean you up." Lifting her off the bed, he held her in his arms as he walked back to the bathroom.

He gently put her on her feet, but she wobbled and he grabbed her waist before she could topple over. Barely lifting her arms, he understood that the shirt could come off.

Pulling it up, he suppressed a gasp, taking in her less then slim figure.

She stood with her arms loosely around his waist, trying to stabilize herself.

As he bent down she moved her hands to his shoulders, and the boxers that had been rolled up numerous times came down with the slightest tug.

She turned so that her back was towards him.

His eyes fell onto the vertical letters that ran down her back.

_Liar Liar_.

Taking a deep breath he helped her into the tub before walking out the door to start a pot of coffee.

X X X

As he dumped the wine bottles into the recycling bag, a loud ring brought him back and he reached over grabbing the phone off of its cradle.

"Hello?"

"Tom? Thank God! How is she? She won't answer the phone or the door. Did she let you in? Of course she did- for you-"

He cut her off.

"No Sades, she didn't, there's a key on top of the door. Honestly? I don't know if she's ok. She hasn't said a word to me. How long has this been going on? I know you called a few months ago-"

"Since you left. Her life's been falling apart since you left! Haven't you wondered why she never released any more albums? Jeez Tom! I thought you cared more for her then that!" Her voice was accusing and his defences went up.

"Of course I cared! That's why I left! I didn't want…. I didn't want…. Never mind, forget it Sadie. She's in the bath, I should really check on her- Ok?"

"Tom?"

"Hmm?'

"How long are you staying?" Her voice was kinder this time, hoping for a miracle.

"I don't know. I guess until I can get her on her feet again…if she'll let me… We'll play it by ear. I'll keep you updated."

"Thanks Tom… For coming… I just didn't know what to do…" He heard her voice crack and he didn't have time to save another Harrison.

"Don't worry about it. But I gotta go. I'll call you later."

"Uhuh, Bye!"

He tentatively pushed the bathroom door, not wanting to intrude.

She was still in the tub, her long blond hair floating around her head, her eyes closed, so he stepped forward, putting a cup of coffee beside the shampoo.

"I brought you some coffee." He watched her as her eyes slowly opened and blink at him. "Do you need help washing your hair?"

Dipping her chin down into the water and then back up, he took that as a yes. He helped her dip her head back into the water before grabbing the shampoo, squeezing it into his hand. He messaged it into her hair, taking his time. A soft sign had escaped her mouth and he felt the tension escape his body. He dipped her back again and ran his fingers through her hair, over and over again.

X X X

She sat staring at the television as he cleaned the kitchen, the rerun of Friends making its way to his ears.

He caught himself repeatedly looking at her, wondering what the hell happened.

Leaving was for the best. Wasn't it?

Finishing off the kitchen, he made his way to the couch.

He sat down closer then he had originally planned and their arms were touching.

He felt her shiver and he instinctively wrapped his arm around her, pulling her in.

Her head was just under his nose and the Dove scent ran through his body.

God, he had really missed her.

He had worked really hard to get her off his mind.

Now that he was back, he knew it was going to be hard to leave again.

That night he had tucked her into bed like a child. He couldn't help himself; he needed the security of her being warm and safe.

As he walked out the door, the words he thought she would never say again stopped him in his tracks.

"Stay? Please?"

For a flitting second he thought he had heard her incorrectly.

They were the first words she had spoken to him in four years.

He had assumed she hadn't said anything because she didn't want him there, thinking perhaps he would leave if she ignored him.

A fist closed around his heart and he strode back around pulling his jeans down and crawling into their bed.

Finding her waist, he pulled her to him, like he had done years earlier, and like hours before, they wept into each others shirts.

X X X

He stood at the edge of the bed with coffee in one hand and a plate of toast in the other.

She was still asleep.

She had been asleep for over eleven hours.

He forgot about her ability to sleep.

He put the plate and mug on the bedside table and reached down, pushing aside her hair that covered face.

Her face had a yellow tinge to it and he suspected it was from the lack of nutrition.

Yet he still couldn't take his eyes off of her.

Her eyes blinked open and he immediately stepped back, embarrassed that he had been caught staring at her.

But instead of her yelling at him to get out of her room, the bright smile that had always brought a smile to his face now had a residence on hers.

All he could do was stutter out a barely incomprehensible sentence.

"Um… some toast?...And some coffee?"

The warmth in her eyes told him that she was thankful.

As she ate, she patted the spot next to her, where he had spent the night. He climbed back into the bed and leaned against the head board.

He watched her finish her toast and turn back to him, staring him right in the eye, the soft smile still on her face.

"You didn't touch your coffee? Is there something wrong with it?"

The Jude he knew lived off of coffee.

"If I drink it now, I'll never go back to sleep. It will keep me up for days."

Other then those two simple words that she spoke last night, it was the first time she had really spoken to him.

He was surprised by her voice. It was just like he remembered and he couldn't figure out why he expected it to be different.

They searched into each others faces trying to become familiar with each other again.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Tom began.

"Jude, I so sorry. For everything. I…. God, Jude… I made so many stupid mistakes with you." He closed his eyes tightly, trying to block all the mental images that crossed by his eyes. "I shouldn't have done what I did, I should have stood by you, I should have-"

He stopped when he felt her warm hand wrap around his giving it a tight squeeze. His eyes opened back up and he looked into her eyes once again.

"We both made mistakes. I scared you off." Her eyes were so forgiving that he didn't understand, her voice so soft and so kind to the ears.

"I shouldn't have been scared though. I was 26 years old. You should have been scared." He intertwined their fingers before continuing. "The stupid condom broke. And I acted like some 17 year old kid. You weren't even pregnant." He closed his eyes once again but her squeeze brought him back.

"I told you I wouldn't mind starting a family with you. We had only been dating for eight months. We had just gotten the apartment. It was too much for you all at once. I don't even know what I was thinking."

He hated it that she was trying to take the blame for the break up. He roughly pulled his hand away before continue his rant.

"Jude! I cheated on you! With some stupid intern who was my age! I screamed your name when I came! You hated me then! Why can't you hate me now?" His voice started out rough and angry but settle to a soft whisper. "Please, it's just easier if you hate me."

Her head was tilted to the side and a soft smile still graced her face.

"I couldn't hate you forever Tommy Q." The girlish grin spread across her face and it almost took him back to another time. "It wasn't all your fault. And yes I hated you, so much, but I understood what you were trying to do. I knew you were trying to distance yourself, and I wanted you to. I drove you away. I had some of my own decisions to make." She searched his eyes before continuing, hoping he was ready for the next part. "Tom, I was already pregnant when the condom broke. But I used it to gauge your reaction, it was the perfect opportunity, and when you went running to another women… I knew that you weren't ready for a kid. "

He sat there in dead silence, trying to wrap his head around the idea.

She had been pregnant with his child.

And now it was all he wanted.

It was funny how things changed.

He felt a lump raise in his throat and he cleared it before he uttered the words she knew were coming.

"Pregnant? Did you-"

She cut him off before he could say anymore.

"I miscarried. Three months in. All the stress. You had just left. I had an album to finish by myself. Kwest and Sadie were getting married. I was pregnant for god sakes! I wasn't ready for a child and my body knew it. I was just a child myself."

And now he understood.

Her father was the last straw.

She had nothing to drive her soul.

No Tom. No music. No baby. No father.

He was surprised that she had lasted that long.

And now he had to ask the dreaded question the he probably didn't want the answer to.

"If I hadn't had come, what would have happened?"

"Do I really need to answer that Tom?"

And that was his answer. She probably would have never gotten out of that bed.

Shaking his head of the thought, he wiggled his way down the bed so his head rested on the pillow and grabbed Jude's waist so that they were at equal heights again.

Pulling her into him once again, he breathed her in and softly kissed her neck.

He had spent the last four years dreaming of this reunion.

His lips met her neck repeatedly before moving on to her cheek and working his way to her lips.

A hair away from them he stopped.

Opening his eyes, he noticed how hers which were filled with anticipation and need.

"Jude, I missed you so much. And I don't think I'm finished loving you."

"Thank god." The way she was looking up at him through her eyelashes and the husky whisper that came out of her mouth made his stomach swirl with warmth. As he finally went to make the connection, she stopped him. "So tell me all about wonderful L.A!"

Tommy let out a groan knowing she was just teasing him as he felt the giggles vibrate through her chest.

"Well, where do I start? My boss was a complete prick…."

LA FIN!

* * *

This was going to be a one shot while I was writing the first part and when Tommy was pulling back the sheets I was almost going to write in that she was dead but I had a hard time writing down that tommy was holding a dead decaying girl. Kinda gross so anyway it turned into this thing.

Hope yall enjoyed this and all of season four! YAY!


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